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Calfas Inspired

Female. 21. Los Angeles.

Ask Me Anything!


I turn 22 tomorrow. I have so many feelings about this and I don’t know why. I’m just very hopeful, very filled with light, and very very excited for some sweets.

It’s been a long time. I’ve graduated, moved to NYC for a quick jaunt. 

NYC has shown me a lot of things about myself. Opened my eyes to a lot of things I’ve been pushing down for a while.

Real life is scary, y’all. But it’s also given me the most hope I’ve ever felt.

Los Angeles, I’ll see you in a week.


So I heard a pretty awesome thing in my Psychology of Intimate Relationships class today. Our professor was talking about children and how friendships are powerful and he was talking specifically about how “playtime” bonds us.

He said something to the tune of telling a story together or playing pretend is creating a shared world together that connects your beliefs and values into the same world. This like-mindedness is what sustains the happiest of long-term intimate relationships; therefore, these moments in childhood reflect love. So basically, when we tell stories with each other and for others, we create an alternate reality with the audience. And this is a reflection of LOVE.

Just thought it was a cool way of thinking about what we do.

Paleo update:

So far SOOO great! I have been completely paleo for twelve days now. I haven’t faltered. My only guilt was that the night that the ScatterTones won our ICCA Semifinal (meaning we’re going to NYC in three weeks), I decided to have more than my allotted one square of dark chocolate…. but hey, I deserved it. 

This lifestyle change has been great for me. I have found more energy in the food I’m eating and have noticed a difference with bloating, etc. I have a strong feeling I was mildly allergic to gluten, because my whole digestive system is working better because of it. I don’t crave sweets as much as I did during the first week, although my mouth still waters anytime anyone mentions cheesecake or ice cream. 

I discovered that my 30 day challenge happens to end the day of ICCA Finals in NYC. You better bet I will be celebrating my commitment to this and to our ICCA set with a big ol’ piece of NY pizza and a slice of cheesecake. But after my NYC adventure, I’m planning to stick to the paleo plan. 

I’m also saving a TON of money making my own food every day. Gone are the snacks I bought at the Stage Canteen. Gone are the over-priced meals from Ackerman or North Campus student center.

I’ve also started a month of unlimited yoga at Core Power. I went this morning with Cameron and it was ROUGH, but I figure it is my first day and with consistency, everything gets better. It was hot yoga WITH. WEIGHTS. Glorious….ly insane.


Divine. It’s divine.

Rules of this Challenge

I am following a strict recipe list, but still. Here are some of the rules I’m setting for myself.

1. SUGAR: No added sugar anywhere, only in some fruits but limit that too.

2. COFFEE: If you’re DYING, then one cup of black coffee with nothing added.

3. MEAT: Grilled, yum.

4. NO GRAINS: No wheat, barley, qunioa (sad sad day), etc.



7. Make my food at least the day before so I actually am held accountable for this.

30-day Paleo Challenge

Alright y’all. For my last quarter at UCLA, I intend to really ramp up my fitness regimen to lead me out into the real world with a bang! One of my goals for 2014 was to do this 30-day Paleo Challenge my friend suggested. 


My goals of doing the challenge: to ween myself off of coffee and sugar as sources of energy, to become addicted to vegetables, to become more aware of portions, to get into a groove where I become in love with food the way it comes out of the ground, to learn how to prepare more complicated dishes than qunioa and frozen chicken breast (haha), to explore new flavors, to get myself to actually like avocados, to make my digestive system work more efficiently, to cleanse my liver, to make my workouts count for more, to shed some winter weight, to get down to my ideal BMI, to gain and feel in control of my body through my eating and fitness so when I suddenly graduate and have no control over my life (exaggerations…), I will AT LEAST have this.

I’m excited to blog about this journey. I’m generally just really excited about this last quarter as well. Guys & Dolls, lots of dancing, yoga, healthy food, sunshine, ScatterTones love, etc.

This will be a great 30 days of intention and change and cleansing!

It’s Here

Today was the last day of my training in the Musical Theater program at UCLA. We still have an audition technique class, but as far as breaking you down and building you up - my classes in 1350, 2330, and 101 have come to an end.

I don’t really know what this feeling is. I cried a good amount today in my last jazz class. I feel many things: helpless, lost, excited, nervous, anxious, ready, etc. As I was holding hands with my sweaty MTs after another invigorating class from Chryssie, it really sank into me. This is my family. These are the people I love unconditionally.

As I was laying on the floor of 1350 doing professor evaluations in my ballet class on Tuesday, I realized how okay I was literally laying belly down on a floor that I have watched all of my classmates spit on when we have to get a better grip in our character shoes. And you know what? I just didn’t care.

I’ve realized that I used to have a ton of walls up coming to college. They eventually broke down, but there are walls up now that seem beneficial. Tact, self respect, emotional conservatism. These are things that are important when it comes to being a sane and loving human being. But outside of myself and in my creative work, walls have come down. I am no longer afraid of how I look when I’m acting. I’m not afraid of what they’re going to think of me if I don’t get a triple pirouette today. I feel so liberated. And I owe it to my class. I love each of them.

To all of the professors I’ve had the pleasure of loving and working with in the acting, singing, dancing, or voice and speech studio classes. Nicholas Gunn, Dan Belzer, Jeremy Mann, Mary Jo Duprey, Linda Kerns, Monica Payne, Natsuo Tomita, Jane Lanier, Chryssie Whitehead, Peggy Hickey, Lee Martino, Rodger Castellano, Cheryl Baxter-Ratliff, Alexis Carra, Jean-Luis Rodrigue, Marilyn Fox, April Shawhan, Mel Shapiro, Mark Bennett, Joe Olivieri, Adele Cabot, and Paul Wagar. I just cant believe how perfectly the fusion of these curriculums allowed me to explore my artistry.

I realized that if I can get just a fraction of the fearlessness I developed these three years in the safe spaces with these people into the audition room, I will feel invincible. 

I am enough. Open heart. Open hands.

A pastor at my church once asked us to lay our hands open in our laps. He wisely noted, “notice how your fingers curl in even when they are relaxed open?” He explained this as our innately flawed nature - that we cannot release control over everything.

Today in Chryssie’s class, she asked us to do the same thing. To clench a fist that represented how hard we hold onto our careers. When we released it, my hand was (as my pastor predicted) slightly curled. It took extra tension to open it flat.

I hope (but doubt) that by the end of spring quarter, my hand will release. That my fear will subside and that I will release my path to God. That I will release the control I have over everything and will live the life I am meant to lead. I am so excited to see where that goes. I am so nervous to graduate, but I think I will be ready.

(Source: fallongifs, via halchar)

Nº. 1 of  63